The long weekend

Before kids: YES. A three-day weekend means sleeping in, BBQs, beers, and the beach.

After kids: The kids are off from school and want to know what they’re doing every day — every second of the day.

The fireworks

Before kids: Fireworks, er the sexy kind! Boom-Boom! XXX

After kids: Your kids and dog are equally scared of the fireworks. Fun!

The parade

Before kids: Oh crap, Main Street is closed. You’re going to be late for brunch with the girls.

After kids: You’re leading the cheerleading squad down the street throwing candy at pedestrians. And now it’s time for their routine. Work it girls!

The pool party

Before kids: More like lounging at the pool while sipping margs.

After kids: The pool is crowded with a donut float, a pizza float, a pineapple float. Everyone is fighting over the unicorn float. Ew, is that a diaper?

The food

Before kids: Vodka-soaked watermelon cubes. Char broiled London broil, grilled veggies, Kobe beef sliders, tricolor pasta salad with fresh mozz and shrimp skewers.

After kids: Burgers and dogs … BUT your kid wants frozen dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets and red grapes, not green grapes.

The dessert

Before kids: Strawberry and raspberry Jell-O shots, of course.

After kids: The Pinterest cake (F A I L) with the berries that looks like a sort-of flag, with a side of, “THE ICE CREAM TRUCK, MOM!!! I NEED MONEY!!!

Sleeping arrangements

Before kids: Everyone crashes at the summer share beach house.

After kids: As usual, the unauthorized family bed is full of horizontally sleeping children and a snoring dog.

Beach time

Before kids: The crew meets at the tiki bar for drinks, sun, sand, and surf — and if you’re from Jersey, fist-pumping and tiki-tea!

After kids: Your family of five and 97 beach toys truck to the beach while your 6-year-old serenades everyone with “I’m hungry … my feet are hot … where’s my pink shovel … I’m thirsty … I want ice cream … the water is too cold … I have to poo.”

Happy Memorial Day weekend! Thank you to our service women + men. We salute you. xo

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